well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
