she was so not down for the gang bang
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
