how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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