I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
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I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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