i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
