Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
