make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
