i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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