and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
