Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
