It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
