How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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