dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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