You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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