Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
