Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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