I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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