To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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