Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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