some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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