While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
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