so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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