Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
