Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
