I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
