erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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