they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
