Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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