i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
