Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
