ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
