You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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