I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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