a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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