She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
