Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
