he shaved USA in his pubs
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
