There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
