I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
