Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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