I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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