They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
is it fun? or sober?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
