You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
