The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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