He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
