Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
