you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
