he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
