Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
