I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
