im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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