u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
