Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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