it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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