It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
