and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
