DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
