He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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