the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
