i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
