Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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