Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
