She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
