New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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