Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
