Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
