I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
