Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize