fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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