yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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